It Was All A Dream
by Shadow Goat Alice
Summary: Wormhole X-Treme! as played by THTJB as played by real life?
1. Opening Gambit

_**AN:**_

_This is fucking nonsense. A story within a story within a story within a story. Good luck with that. This all started with a random AU argument between Jack and Sam about their feelings. Things got a little weird after that. Special thanks to MissAlice1990 who graciously cattle prodded me to finish this hot mess._

_VERY tongue in cheek piece (even for this series). The only canon to the AU here is everyone sitting around Daniel's apartment playing video games and hassling Jack while he writes… or is it?_

**It Was All A Dream**

**Opening Gambit**

(Narrator Douglas Anders)

Previously, on Wormhole X-Treme!

"Monroe, take a reading of that glowing thing over there." Colonel Danning said with a vague wave of his hand in the general vicinity of the glowing object.

"Sir yes sir!" Monroe said with the level of alacrity Danning liked to see in his team.

"Dr. Levant, what do those ruins say?"

"How should I know? I don't read Fuzzling." Dr. Levant whined as he got out his translation books and got to work.

Grell silently stood guard by the Space Gate.

Just then, the Space Gate activated and a radio transmission squawked out of Dwayne's walkie-talkie. "Colonel Danning., Come in Colonel Danning."

He heard, so he thumbed the reply button. "Rock here, what's up, Space Gate Command?"

"We have a situation here." A slightly panicked voice told him.

"What's going on Sergeant Remus?" Dwayne was concerned. Ed wasn't an excitable guy.

"Sir, General Hawk has issued a 'no recall order' for all Space Gate teams. We have a foothold situation."

"Well troopers, looks like we get a little bit of a vacation." Dwayne told his team and gave Stacy a smirk he thought he was being discreet about.

Roll Opening Credits

**_DISCLAIMER!_**_ Wormhole X-Treme characters belong to Martin Lloyd. I am but a humble fan author. Please do not sue me as I have no money._


	2. Act 1 - Trapped!

**Act 1 – Trapped!**

"Well troopers, it looks like it's vacation time. May as well set up camp and kick back and relax." Colonel Dwayne Danning told his intrepid team. Grell nodded at him and began pitching the tents. Dr. Levant went back to his translations because he was generally no fun whatsoever. A thing Dwayne had told his best friend many times and yet he persisted in not being any fun.

Stacy, on the other hand, was lots of fun. In many ways. "Monroe, you heard Clay. Take a load off." He told her as he plopped down on one of the Gate steps and patted the spot next to him invitingly.

"Sir I really should finish my work before I take a break. It would go faster if you helped me." She said with a snarky smile.

"Oh come on Monroe. Take a load off." He said grinning engagingly.

"Sorry sir, no can do."

"You're no fun today. David is starting to rub off on you." Dwayne grumped.

"Sorry sir." Stacy told him and got back to work with her doohickeys that Dwayne didn't even pretend to understand.

Dwayne gave up. He didn't want to help Grell pitch a tent so he tossed his ball cap on the ground and pulled a deck of cards out of his BDU pocket. He stared up at the trees absently as he tossed cards into his hat. It took him a solid hour to bore of this game.

"Monroe, I'm bored."

"Try doing some work, sir." She told him in an annoyed voice. Danning was getting on her very last nerve today. She wondered what she saw in him sometimes.

"David, have you found anything yet?"

"Nothing yet Dwayne." Dr. Levant yelled back.

"David."

"Dwayne."

"David…"

"Dwayne!"

"Fine. I'll go make dinner." Danning grumbled and got up to dig through the MAST (Mobile Auxiliary Supply Truck) for the camp stove and some MREs.

Stacy smiled softly. She really did love him even if he was childish and annoying sometimes. Not that she'd tell him so. He didn't want anything serious and that was fine with her. There was a war with the Gould after all.

_"That's cheesy Jack." Sam told him. _

_"Who's writing this story me or you?"_

_"Should not Grell have something to say about their confinement?"_

_"Not until later T. Grell almost never talks." Jack explained._

_"Indeed" Teal'c agreed and went back to his video game with Daniel._

"Din dins!" Danning called out to everyone.

"Good. I'm starving." Dr. Levant said and dusted himself off.

"Arm wrestle you for your dessert David." Stacy offered.

"Don't do it Davey, she cheats." Danning told him.

Stacy slapped his shoulder on her way by to the pot of MRE soup. "I do not cheat. You were 'distracted'."

"She wore this hot little tank top number that was just…" Danning made a hubba-hubba facial expression that made Dr. Levant scrunch up his face.

"Ew."

"Oh, Sorry Davey, forgot you were gay."

_"Are you sure he's gay Jack?" Daniel asked from his spot on the couch playing 'Grand Theft Auto' after glancing back to see where Jack was with the story. _

_"Are you sure you aren't?" Jack asked him pointedly._

_Teal'c laughed._

Dr. Levant grunted dismissively. As long they stopped talking about their weird sex life. Gross.

Grell stood guard while everyone ate, needing neither food nor rest as he was a robot which came in handy at night as they didn't have to stand watch in shifts. It also came in handy on nights Danning wanted to romance his second in command.

_"Jack, I don't think he'd be doing that on a mission, would he?" Sam asked him._

_"Who wrecked their eyes in the Air Force, Carter, me or you?"_

_"Ok. Ok." She put her hands up in surrender._

_"That stuff goes on all the time. Everyone just keeps it on the down low." He told her. _

_"Really?"_

_"Oh yah. It's pretty much a cliché when a guy gets caught with his pants down with a subordinate."_

_"Don't they do anything to them for it?"_

_"Make 'em get married."_

_"What?!"_

_Jack laughed. "You heard me."_

_"That's… that's insane."_

_"Oh unless you are gay, then you get dishonorably discharged because our military still thinks it's the freakin' dark ages." Jack growled in such a way that Sam dropped it as clearly there was a story there._

Stacy had opted to bunk up with David tonight which left Dwayne disappointed and a little frustrated. She ran so hot and cold with him that it was driving him crazy. He'd stopped romancing alien women in the hopes that she'd realize he was pretty serious about this weird thing they couldn't seem to shake but it was like she wasn't getting the hint or wasn't reading the signals. He was pretty sure he wasn't being very subtle either.

Danning dozed off for several hours until he felt something warm and soft slip into his sleeping bag. He opened his eyes to make sure it was who he hoped it was or he and David were going to have to have a very awkward heart to heart about Dwayne's sexual preferences.

"It's just me sir. David was snoring again."

"I don't know why you bother. You just end up in here." He grumbled.

Stacy made a nonverbal sound of agreement. "This way, however, I can justify sharing your sleeping bag sir."

"Oh." Dwayne raised his eyebrows and said in sudden understanding. Once she had worked herself down into the bag with him he pulled her close and nibbled her ear. "That makes sense." He said absently as his hands roamed her clothing looking for fasteners to open.

Outside, Grell tuned out the soft giggling and moans coming from Colonel Danning's tent. It was hardly the first time he'd romanced his second in command. Grell did not understand humans. Their desire to mate often made them make foolish choices. For instance while Colonel Danning was very brave for his species, he was not very bright, or at least not as bright as Major Monroe who was a scientist with four doctorates."

_"Four, Jack?" Sam poked him in the ribs. "Is that supposed to be some kind of joke? She's barely thirty."_

_"They always give people way too many degrees in these kinds of shows. People expect it and get mad if you aren't ridiculous about it."_

_"I have four degrees." Daniel muttered. "Not that anyone cares."_

_"We care Danny. And you've had no life for the last ten years." Jack pointed out._

_"How's Sha're?" Sam asked pointedly._

_"I hate you both. Dammit, and now I've crashed too" He complained about his game, throwing up his hands and waving at the screen emphatically._

_"He needs to get laid." Jack decided and went back to his story._

**_AN:_**_ Jack and Sam's conversation is almost word for word the one I had with SuzieQ regarding frat regs. She being the Jack of the situation. And yes, that's how it really is. She should know, she served at exactly the same time as the show was airing._


	3. Act 2 – Shocking Developments!

**Act 2 – Shocking Developments!**

The next morning dawned bright and beautiful. Danning was up making breakfast when David got up "Where's Stacy?"

"In my tent. You were snoring so I graciously offered her my sleeping bag while I slept on the ground like a gentleman."

Grell was about to inform Dr. Levant that Colonel Danning had not, in fact, slept on the ground but in the sleeping bag with Major Monroe and there had been very little actual sleeping going on either when Stacy ran out of the tent and promptly vomited behind a bush.

_"Oh Jack. Really? Come on, you couldn't think of a better plot?"_

_"What? My readers love this stuff Carter."_

_"Did he make her pregnant again?" Daniel called over his shoulder._

_"Yeeess…." Sam said with a disgusted eye roll._

_"Jack, there are a thousand plots you could have hit on." Daniel told him._

_"It was this or another tryst with Danning and Levant, Jackson. My readers sent me a request for a romance story. I'm writing a romance story." Jack growled._

_"Fine. Jeeze. Crabby." Daniel said to him._

David and Dwayne looked at Stacy then looked at each other. "Did she just…?" Dr. Levant asked.

"Yah." Danning said.

"Do you think she's…?"

Danning shrugged. "How should I know."

"Dwayne."

"David."

"Are you lying to me?"

"…No."

"You just lied."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't."

"DID."

"She never tells me anything." Dwayne said dismissively.

"But you're her boss."

"So?"

"I tell you everything."

"You don't have any other friends David."

"I do too."

"Name them."

David put a finger up and opened and shut his mouth a couple times. Like a fish.

Dwayne 'The Rock' Danning smirked.

"Stacy is my friend." Dr. David Levant finally said.

"Are you sure?"

"That's just mean Dwayne." Dr. Levant pouted.

Just then though, Stacy returned from the bushes after her second bout of retching that neither man had sense enough to go check on her or at least hold her hair.

_"It's not long enough."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Stacy's hair, it's too short to hold when she's barfing Jack. Even Dwayne isn't that dumb."_

_"Are you sure? He's pretty much an idiot."_

_"I thought you were playing it that he fakes being an idiot to get out of doing work?" Sam said in a confused voice. Lord knows Jack did so habitually to get residents to stop asking him to do stuff._

_"Fine. I'll fix it._

Just then though, Stacy returned from the bushes after her second bout of retching that neither man had sense enough to check on her. "Well you two are a big help." She said and grabbed Dwayne's canteen out of his hand to take a swig then spit out the contents of her mouth into the grass.

_"Better?"_

_"Yes. Keep going."_

_"This is a lot easier when you aren't critiquing while I write."_

_"It's not my turn in the game yet." She said with a shrug._

_Jack sighed._

"You all right Monroe?" Danning asked her, his voice concerned.

"No sir, I think we might have a problem."

"Bad MREs?"

"Sure if it's the kind that take nine months to work their way out." She said patiently.

"I've eaten some MREs that bad." Dr. Levant added in randomly.

"Not helpful David." Stacy told him and took another swig from Dwayne's canteen.

"You're serious?" Dwayne asked her.

"Not something I'd joke about sir." She told him in a flat voice.

"Wait, you're really pregnant?" David asked her. "How did that happen?"

"Well Davey, when a mommy Air Force Officer and a daddy Air Force Officer love each other very much…"

Stacy boggled at Dwayne for a moment. "Wait, love?! I thought we were just friends with benefits!" She yelled at him.

"We are so a LOT more than friends with benefits Monroe." Danning said in a furious voice.

"Who says?" She demanded.

Dwayne jumped up. "I say Monroe! Why have we danced around this for months anyway?" he demanded.

"Because you keep banging giant alien chicks possibly?" She snarled.

"I stopped doing that months ago Monroe. If you didn't have your nose stuck in a computer all the time you'd know that!" he yelled at her.

"Well one of us has to actually work for a living. It's not like you do."

"Oh I don't work? I'm literally your boss Stacy!"

She snorted. "Yesterday you spent an hour tossing cards in a hat because you didn't want to help me take readings on the power unit we found or help Grell set up camp or help David translate the Fuzzling writing so we'd know how the stupid power unit worked!"

"I shouldn't have to pitch tents with Grell because I'm the boss and I don't speak Fuzzling!"

"You read it."

Dr. Levant looked at Danning in shock. "He does?"

"He's been able to read it for months. I caught him explaining one of your reports to General Hawk after you went home one night."

"I swore you to secrecy."

"Oh like that's not going to come out eventually when General Hawk finds out we've been sleeping together for months."

"You guys have been sleeping together for months?" David asked them confused.

_"Wait hold up, earlier he totally knew they were sleeping together, Jack. He's an archeologist. He's not that stupid."_

_"Who's writing this Danny, me or you?" Jack demanded._

_"You can't have him aware of what's going on one minute and not the next."_

_"Ugh. Why can't you guys hang out somewhere else?"_

_"Because you're in my apartment using my Wi-Fi, Jack." Daniel pointed out._

_"Fair point." Jack admitted._

"You've known how to read Fuzzling for months? Why didn't you tell me Dwayne?!" Dr. Levant demanded.

"I thought it would be funny?" Danning asked. "Was it funny?"

"No!" Stacy and David shouted at him together.

"I thought it was funny." He grumbled.

"It wasn't funny! None of this is FUNNY Dwayne. You're such a jerk!" Stacy yelled at him and stormed off.

Several moments passed in awkward silence between the two men and the robot.

"Shouldn't one of us go after her?" Dr. Levant asked Danning.

"Where is she going to go?"

"Uh, it's not so much where as much as what kind of trouble she might get into when she gets there with only your canteen and a pocket full of energy bars." David told his best friend pointedly.

"Ugh! Fine! I'll go get her." Danning said in a suffering voice.

_"Charming." Sam told him._

_"I was going for childish." Jack admitted._

_"Would not Grell have something of importance to say to Danning about his behavior?"_

_Jack gives Teal'c a long look over his shoulder. "Probably not yet T. Grell mostly just raises his eyebrow and stuff."_

_"Indeed."_


	4. Act 3 - Revelations

**Act 3 - Revelations**

Dwayne got up and wandered in the direction Stacy had taken. He kicked at rocks in his path in frustration. Why couldn't things just be simple with her? Of course he'd stupidly fallen in love with her. She was perfect. She had the most beautiful hazel green eyes and silky dark hair and her skin was so soft and she always smelled good plus she was really smart. Sometimes he couldn't even understand what she was saying to him. He didn't always pretend just to get her to talk more. You would think she'd have figured it out anyway. He hung out in her lab every chance he got even though his best friend was literally down the hall in his own lab.

A terrible realization dawned on him. What if the problem wasn't his feeling but her lack of them for him? What if all he was to her was a good time? What if she didn't want this baby they had made? What if it wasn't his baby? Was she sleeping with anyone else? Dwayne stopped in his tracks with a look of panic on his face.

What if she doesn't want me?

He knew he wasn't anything to write home about in the looks department and he was no Steven Dawkings or whatever that super smart guy that talked like a robot was named. What if she was only sleeping with him for something to do to pass the time?

Dwayne sighed and his shoulders slumped in defeat. He still had to go find her. David was right. It wasn't safe to wander off from camp alone. Not even for his tough as nails second in command who could beat the crap out of him during training even when he didn't just let her win so she didn't leave him a canvas of bruises.

Dwayne was feeling pretty sorry for himself by the time he found Stacy about a mile away from camp, sitting on a rock eating an energy bar.

He put his hand flat to his brow to block the sun and looked up at her. "Along side. May I board the vessel ma'am?" he asked her of the rock she was sitting on.

Monroe snorted with laughter. "I'm still mad at you."

"Are you armed?"

"Sir, my body is a weapon. I am always armed."

He nodded. And a fine piece of weaponry it was too. "Permission to board?"

Stacy shrugged.

Dwayne decided to take his chances with a feral pregnant woman and climbed up the rock as though he was born to climb rocks. Once he reached the top he sat next to her not quite touching her. "Just so we are clear, which part are you mad at me about this time?" He asked her cautiously.

"Well," she said swallowing the piece of energy bar she'd been chewing. "We've been having this kind of - fling - I suppose and my contraception failed obviously and you don't seem very upset by that at all."

Dwayne draped his arms over his knees and picked at a loose thread on one of his boots. "It's kind of hard to be mad about finding out I'm going to be a dad Monroe." He admitted. He looked at her then. "But it doesn't matter if I want a baby or not. I can't make you want to be a mom."

"Well, I don't really mind that part but we're going to be in trouble when we get home because you're the father."

"I know. They will probably make us get married." Dwayne admitted. He wasn't against the idea but clearly she was.

"Then there's the whole making a joke out of being in love with me thing. I didn't appreciate that Dwayne." She admonished him. He'd come far too close to the truth about her feelings saying that and it had hurt her feelings that he thought it was just a funny joke.

"I wasn't really joking though." He admitted and took great interest in the spot between his legs of the rock they were sitting on.

"It wasn't funny Dwayne." She said firmly.

He gave her a hard look. "Look, I get it you don't love me but I love you and I'm willing to make this work if you are." He said, his voice angry. She didn't have to rub it in. Getting married would keep her on the team after she had the baby if that's what she wanted to do.

She looked at him, taken aback; she didn't speak for a long moment. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"Well of course I'm serious! Why wouldn't I be serious about something like that? Jesus Stacy, I've been in love with you since I met you but you never seemed interested until that night we got drunk and accidently had sex. I was willing to settle for what little you gave me Monroe. I still am."

"That's just pathetic Colonel."

"Yah, well, it's what I do." He said in self-disgust.

"You'd really marry me even if I didn't love you?"

"I would. And not just for our kid either. I'd marry you anyway." He said emphatically.

"Why?" She asked him, sounding irritated with him again.

"Because it doesn't matter to me if you love me back or not as long as I can be with you." He admitted.

She sat thinking for a long time before responding to him. After a while she finally spoke. "It's not that I don't love you Dwayne. I do… It's just that… well… I though we were just having a good time together and you were going to leave me for some green skinned alien the next time one caught your eye."

"Monroe, you can't joke with me about this. You really do? Love me, that is?"

"Well yah, I mean, it's kind of dumb but the stuff about you that should bug me is what I'm in love with."

"Like what?" He asked leaning in and threading her fingers with his own.

"Er, well, you run your mouth even at the General and honestly, it's hilarious. You can't stop yourself from telling jokes all the time even when we're being shot at. Your hair is just, always a mess and- "

She didn't finish because his mouth had come crashing down on hers and claimed her lips in a searing kiss that deepened until they were clutching desperately at each other.

Several moments later they parted, both panting and staring into each other's eyes in shock and wonder.

"We, ah, we should get back to the camp. Davey is going to wonder if I got lost again." Danning admitted.

"It seems to happen with alarming frequency." She teased him.

"It was ONE time Monroe, and I'm never going to live it down am I?"

"No sir you are not."

_"My teeth hurt just from reading that Jack."_

_"Too schmaltzy?" He asked._

_"You could write Hallmark cards." Sam told him laughing._

_"Ew." Daniel said from the couch. "How bad is it Sam?"_

_"'She didn't finish because his mouth had come crashing down on hers and claimed her lips in a searing kiss that deepened until they were clutching desperately at each other'." She read off to him. _

_"O'Neill, have you been borrowing Janet Frasier's trashy romance novels?"_

_"Can't a guy be a romantic?"_

_Sam kissed his cheek affectionately. "It's not your worst quality." She told him._

_"Worked on you." He pointed out._

_Sam blushed a little. _

_"Don't worry, I won't ruin your rep. I'll tell everyone it's because I have a big dick."_

_"Jack!"_

_He chuckled as her blush deepened and went back to writing._


	5. Act 4 - Decisions

**Act 4 - Decisions**

They walked back to camp lightly holding each other's hands. "Should we just tell him right away?" Stacy said of General Hawk.

"He's going to find out anyway if you toss your cookies like that every morning," Dwayne pointed out.

"Huh. Good point. Ok, so then what do we do?"

He shrugged. "I thought planning stuff was your department?"

"Sir." She said to him in a warning tone.

"Ok, ok, well, Hawk will threaten our jobs with a court martial. Then he'll mean mug us for a bit until one of us cracks. Once we do, he'll offer to shuffle paperwork to make it look like he authorized us getting married weeks ago before you got pregnant, we sign the license in front of a couple witnesses and the base chaplain and then figure out which house we are keeping." He said with a shrug.

"I like your house." She admitted.

"You do?"

"Sure. The floor plan is open, you have that nice upstairs deck."

"All right. We'll keep my house." He agreed.

"Should we tell David?"

"Hell no." Danning told her with a laugh and kissed her temple. They had reached the camp again and found Dr. Levant was busily studying the writing on the walls around the ruins. Dwayne shrugged his shoulders and went off to offer to help. Grell was patently standing watch over the Gate.

"So you're actually going to help?" Levant said to Danning sarcastically.

_"No, see, Dr Levant would never react that way."_

_Jack just gives Daniel a long look_

_"But he wouldn't." Daniel said having turned fully to read over Jack's shoulder the last few minutes while Sam took her turn at the game._

_"How would he act Danny?" Jack said patiently._

_Daniel thought for a moment, his face scrunched to one side. "Scoot over." He ordered and sat in the chair Jack vacated to redo the part. _

_Meanwhile Jack sat on the back of the couch and busied himself playing with Sam's hair. She swatted absently at him but continued playing the game._

"Why didn't you tell me you knew how to read Fuzzling?" Dr. Levant asked his best friend, hoping he'd get an honest answer instead of a sarcastic remark.

"I don't know Davey. Everyone thinks I'm just the yutz commander." Dwayne admitted.

"But we know you better than that Dwayne. You don't need to pretend you're an idiot around us."

Colonel Danning gave his best friend a hard look.

"Look, I get it. The military kind of beats smart out of you if you want to advance any but we're your friends and we know you better."

Dwayne kicked at the clods of grass at his feet. "It's just easier that's all."

"It is, normally."

The two men looked at each other and had a silent conversation that ended in agreement. Dwayne's intelligence was safe with his friends.

_"All right. That's enough Danny. You're getting off track." Jack told him._

_"Levant is the soul of the team. Danning would absolutely trust him with his emotional well being."_

_"I didn't say I was going to change it. I think you're right." Jack admitted. "But it can't go on too long or it won't look in character for Danning. He's got the whole stoic thing going on."_

_"He just barfed his feelings at Stacy." Daniel told Jack._

_"Yah but she's pregnant with his kid. That's bound to make a guy emotional." Jack defended._

_"Just admit you're a sap."_

_"If you tell anyone besides Carter and Teal'c, I will end you." Jack warned but scrubbed Daniel's hair and shoved him out of the desk chair so he could take the writing job back over._

"So what's going on with you two anyway?" David asked as he wrote down Dwayne's halting translation of the writing on the wall.

Danning shrugged. "If we don't get married we'll be court marshaled." He admitted.

"Sooo…" David waved his hand vaguely. "I assume you're going to get married?"

"Yah, that's the plan."

"Can I be best man?" David asked hopefully.

Dwayne chuckled. "Sure."

After that Stacy didn't bother pretending and just slept in Dwayne's tent with him. Two days later Space Gate Command contacted them again to give them the all clear. The foothold situation had been resolved.

Grell started wordlessly packing up the equipment and tents.

They walked through the Space Gate and were greeted by General Hawk. "Debriefing in an hour people. Go see Dr. Larivee to get checked out."

Stacy had butterflies in her stomach. It was zero hour. Dwayne reached up and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly as he walked past her.

An hour later they sat around the conference table in the briefing room. Stacy was studiously staring at her notes, refusing to make eye contact with anyone at the table. Dwayne sat next to her and periodically patted her hand reassuringly.

Dr. Larivee walked into the conference room and handed General Hawk a file. "Sir, I think you need to look at this." The tall dark skinned man with a beard told the General.

"What's this?"

"Major Monroe's medical work up sir. I'm afraid I need to ground her for medical reasons."

General Clayton Hawk looked at the file then up at Stacy. "Looks like congratulations are in order. Who's the lucky guy?"

Dwayne cautiously raised his hand. "Ah, that would be me, sir." He admitted.

"This better not be one of your weird jokes Rock." General Hawk warned him.

"No sir. I really am the father."

Clayton Hawk threw his head back and laughed. "The president owes me a hundred bucks. I told him you guys wouldn't make it through the war without falling into bed with each other." He shook his head in amusement.

"Sir, I really don't see how this is funny, I know the consequences of sleeping with a subordinate is a court martial and-"

"Relax Rock. I'll fudge the paperwork for you both. There's no reason to punish you for being human."

**There is a bright flash of white light.**

"Sir? Are you ok?" A fresh faced lieutenant asked Danning.

"Michaels?"

"Yes sir?"

"What just happened?" He asked looking around in confusion. The last thing he remembered was being in the briefing room at Space Gate Command.

"We believe we can answer that question for you Colonel. Allow me to introduce my companions and myself. I am Leier of the Mensi. You know us as the Fuzzlings." He waved his hand. "These are my companions Volgeling and Maat. We apologize for your strange situation. Our people are very cautious about who we allow contact with. Therefore we tested your reactions to a stressful but non-violent situation."

Major Monroe joined Colonel Danning who was getting out of the stasis pod he'd been in. "Wait, so it was all a dream?" She asked with a stricken look on her face.

"Yes Major. We needed to confirm your people are honorable even when the situation warrants discomfort and difficulty."

Stacy looked like she wanted to throw up and walked away.

"This is fascinating Dwayne. They have the technology to affect our perceptions. I completely believed the situation we were in." Dr. Levant told him.

Danning didn't appear to be listening though. He looked angry. "That's great. Have fun Davey." He told his best friend and stalked away.

Much later that evening, everyone but Dr. Levant was home on Earth. He had opted to spend a few days with the Mensi and learn about their culture. Monroe would be going back to discuss a technological exchange but for now, Dwayne paced outside Stacy's house. Finally he squared his shoulders, walked up to her front door and knocked politely.

The door swung open to a cutely disheveled Stacy in her pajamas. She looked like she might have been crying but he couldn't tell for sure. "Do you have a minute? I really think we need to talk." He told her, jamming his hands into his pockets nervously.

She nodded and opened the door enough for him to enter. It closed a moment later with a firm click.


	6. Chapter 2 - Fractals

**Chapter 2 - Fractals**

Days later, Yolanda Reese looks over Nick Marlow's shoulder and reads some of the script. "What the hell is that crap? It's worse than one of Marty's plots."

"That Air Force guy they hired as a consultant brought it in. Said it would be a personal favor if we considered the story treatment. I think it's pretty good." He defended. "Plus you finally get to kiss someone." He said with a quick grin.

"Yah but it's you. I can do that any time." She tells him and cuffs him gently across the back of his head.

"Hey, not on set. I'm still technically married." He reminded her.

"Yah yah. Like everyone doesn't already know." She smirked.

"Are you two ready finally?" Raymond Gunne asked them rudely as he walked by Nick's director chair.

"Just going over a potential script." Yolanda told him in a sweet voice but she made faces as her back was turned to him and he couldn't see.

"Relax Ray. We'll be there in a minute." Nick told his friend.

"Whatever. Neither of you takes anything seriously. I'm going to go hang out with Doug. Try to be on set on time for a change."

"Jeeze, who peed in his Wheaties this morning?" Nick grumbled to Yolanda's snickers. "We should have Marty kill him off." He muttered.

Yolanda snickered. "That script is garbage."

"That script is the mid season story arch. Why doesn't anyone ever take me seriously around here? It's pretty bad when the only guy who isn't a pain in my tuchus is that crazy Air Force colonel they sent over as a consultant." Martin Lloyd flapped his arms in exasperation in front of them like a deranged chicken then stalked off.

"So it's a _bad_ time to ask him to kill off Ray right now?" Nick asked in a fake confused voice that made Yolanda snicker more.

\- XxX -

"Carter! Get your hot ass in here! It's starting!" Jack bellowed to Sam who was in the kitchen grabbing snacks and beers.

"I'm coming. Keep your shirt on." She grumbled as she rolled her eyes. Not that she'd mind him taking his shirt off necessarily.

The midwinter break for Wormhole X-Treme! was over. The fall episodes had ended with Space Gate Team 1 being left to fend for themselves on an abandoned planet.

An hour later three mouths hang open. One eyebrow is raised. Jack sputters for a bit. "That's…"

"That's your fan fiction story Jack." Daniel says softly.

"They _STOLE_ my story! I am SO going to kick their asses!" Jack yelled.


	7. Chapter 3 – Entropy

**Chapter 3 – Entropy**

"What do you think he wants?" Rick asked Amanda.

"No idea. He seemed really excited though." She told her coworker who was digging through the trailer kitchen for snacks.

"Sorry to make you wait. You know how it goes." Joe told them.

Rick waved his hand dismissively. "Do you have any... ah ha!" He popped open the bag of Old Dutch Ketchup chips he'd grabbed off shelf and shoved a couple in his mouth.

"I was saving those…" He sighed when Rich offered him the bag. "Keep them. I'll have one of the runners get more. Anyway, I wanted you guys to read the script for the 200th episode and tell me what you think." He said handing them a copy. "Sorry I only have one, the kid who handles that stuff called in sick today." He said with a shrug.

Amanda took it and held it so Rick could plop down on the worn couch and read over her shoulder.

An hour later they read the last page with identical slightly unnerved expressions.

"Well guys?" Joe asked them excitedly. "What do you think?"

"Uh…" Rick said.

"Well, it's just…" Amanda uncharacteristically struggled to finish her sentence.

"A bit…" Rick supplied helpfully to her.

They exchanged a look and said together. "Awkward."

"Um… why don't you let me make just a few edits and we'll get back to you." Amanda gently told Joe who was beginning to look crestfallen.

"When it doesn't read like an episode of 'Friends'." Rick said with a slightly grossed out expression.

"What are you two complaining about? This stuff is great. The fans will lap it up like honey." Joseph Mallozzi insisted to his star actors.

"Joe, I'm sure you worked hard on writing this but just because fans love this kind of thing doesn't mean it's not trash." Amanda told him gently but was clearly suppressing a laugh and refused to look at Rick for fear he'd make her break out laughing just with his facial expression.

"None of you takes me seriously! Do you know how hard it is to crank out this stuff week after week and then direct the both of you while you make jokes and re-write all the lines I gave you? It's not easy I tell you! I thought Peter was joking when he told me what a pain in the tuchus the two of you are. Fine. Rewrite it. I don't care! I'll resubmit it as an Infinity plot!" He all but shouted as he stormed out of the trailer.

"Do you think it's a bad time to tell him Mike is overdue for a death scene?" Rick asked Amanda, dusting red chip dust off his fingers on his pants.

**_AN2:_**_ Ok, in case it wasn't SUPER obvious yes, Jack is a lazy writer and used characters from G.I. Joe for names. Then again, I am a lazy writer who added a Firefly name as a joke to an Arthurian story to see if anyone would catch it…_

**_PS_**_… how many times did I have to say pitching tents before everyone got I didn't mean the kind you sleep in?_


End file.
